In the past
by allie34
Summary: Based in about sesion three, alot more light hearted than my previous work, this is a total spoofs, and under no circumstances to be taken literally or seriously. Enjoy!


In the past  
  
Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager is not mine, neither are the characters, they all belong to Paramount.  
  
This is a spoof of Voyager, and very few people are in character. Several things that must first be explained so that the story makes sense:  
  
In this Captain Janeway is evil.  
  
Commander Chakotay is a 'sheep' like character, and basically does anything that Janeway tells him to do.  
  
Tuvuk is probably the only one near to the intention of the original character (if that makes any sense).  
  
Tom isn't much different, neither is B'Elanna, however B'Elanna's aggressive behaviour is often highlighted within the stories that I have written of Voyager.  
  
Harry is quieter, and acts as if he is a lot younger.  
  
The Doctor likes to think that he is a criminal master mind.  
  
Seven probably has a lot more personality than she does on the series, which says a lot, and in some stories exhibits signs of extreme problems with unsuccessful gaseous release (farting inappropriately).  
  
Naomi is a true criminal mastermind and suffers from kleptomania, she plays a vital role in some stories.  
  
Nelix as the morale officer decided that stripping would boost the crew's morale (how very wrong he was).  
  
Remember this is a spoof, please don't flame me.  
  
Summary: I know that they're not the Jeffery's tubes, but it sounds like that, this is the story behind the 'Jeffery's' tubes which run around the ship.  
  
* * *  
  
Once upon a time in voyager land.  
  
Four years before voyager returned to the Alpha quadrant, the year was 2374; Harry Kim was 24 years old, Tuvuk was dreading the near approach of his age going into triple figures, Naomi was two years old and the Captain was, well she was, old- to be blunt. The Captain's hair was long, dyed a lighter shade of red than it is now and tied up in a dog crap sort of way (sorry fans of the captain).  
  
However this story is not about the ages of the crew, or what type of hairstyle the captain had, this story is about a member of the captain's crew, named Ensign Harris.  
  
Back then the captain was a lot different, and so was the commander, for a start the captain was a lot moodier than she was to later become, and the commander was not as sheepish as he was to later become- and finally Seven of Nine was not yet a member of the crew, as neither was Icheb. However Kes the Ocampa was on board the ship.  
  
Ensign Harris was a bright young engineer; he had graduated from his class in star fleet second and had taken his first assignment aboard the USS voyager, what he thought would be a very good carrier move- how very wrong a choice he later discovered that he had made- when he met Captain Janeway for the first time. The first conversation that the Captain had had to this bright young engineer when she had met him for the first time was as follows:  
  
"Name," she had asked him.  
  
"Ensign Jeffery Harris, Captain," the young ensign pumped out his chest and stood a little straighter.  
  
"You're a very enthusiastic young boy aren't you?" she had said.  
  
"I would like to think so," said the ensign in a cheery voice, smiling broadly despite himself.  
  
"I will crush your sole like a bug," the Captain forced the words through clenched teeth, and walked off back to the bridge.  
  
Since that experience the poor ensign Harris had stayed out of her way.  
  
"Hey Jeffery," called Chell, "give me a hand with this plasma re-coil."  
  
"Yeah sure," said Jeffery Harris, crouching down and giving his friend Chell a helping hand.  
  
"What are you doing," asked a cold voice from behind, Ensign Harris turned around, to see B'Elanna standing above them.  
  
"Just giving Chell a hand," said Jeffery.  
  
"Oh really," B'Elanna began in a mock surprised way, before suddenly changing her expression to that of anger, "and what about your work?"  
  
"My shift doesn't begin for another ten minutes," said the ensign innocently.  
  
"I'll have none of your cheek ensign," shouted B'Elanna pissed off at being proven wrong, "the Captain left me in charge of engineering, and what happens? every one thinks they can get a way with murder, just because I'm a Klingon- well I've had enough of you and your cockiness, I'm going to have to report this to the Commander."  
  
"But." Jeffery began to argue back.  
  
"That's it!" shouted B'Elanna, "get out, get out, get out!"  
  
Ensign Jeffery Harris got up and left engineering.  
  
Later on that day Jeffery was in the mess hall eating with Alexandra Munro (from the game elite force).  
  
"Well, then the captain threw a coffee cup in the air and hit Tuvuk right on the forehead," said Alex finishing off the days events that she had witnessed, "so," she said, "how was your day?"  
  
"The usual," answered Jeffery sighing to himself and resting a chin of his palm, "B'Elanna has threatened to report me to the Commander."  
  
"Why?" asked Alex, but before he could reply Nelix came up to the table.  
  
"Hi guys," Nelix smiled honestly.  
  
"Hi Nelix," they both replied.  
  
"I was thinking," said Nelix, "we need some sort of event to raise the morale of the ship, have either of you two got any suggestions?"  
  
"What about a party?" Suggested Alex.  
  
"Yeah," enthused Jeffery, "with some strippers," of coarse the ensign was only joking about the stripers, but Nelix didn't know what he was on about.  
  
"What are strippers?" asked the Telaxian still learning about the human culture.  
  
"Well," said Alex, "they're people who get up and take their cloths off in front of every body."  
  
"Oh," said Nelix, "and this is meant to be fun?"  
  
"Depends on who's stripping," smirked Jeffery.  
  
"Hum," said Nelix, "I wonder." Nelix walked off thinking to himself, Alex and Jeffery exchanged a glance and continued with their meal.  
  
.  
  
It was the next morning in star trek voyager land and Ensign Harris was in the Commander's office.  
  
"I suppose you know why you're here?" asked the Commander.  
  
"Not really," responded Jeffery.  
  
"Well let me enlighten you on the current situation, B'Elanna has complained about your rude behaviour towards her lately."  
  
"Commander," began Jeffery, "I only gave Chell a hand in engineering and informed Lieutenant Torres when my shift began," it was almost the truth, "and I've hardly spoken a word to her in the three years that I've been on voyager."  
  
"Then maybe that's the problem," said the commander, "you're an antisocial little freak, and I think that I need to teach you a lesson. You will spend the next twenty four hours of your life locked alone in a brig cell with commander Tuvuk, if that doesn't teach you social manners I don't know what will."  
  
"Commander," Jeffery protested, "I don't think I have social problems, and even if I did, how will spending twenty four hours with a Vulcan help, they're the most anti-social people that I know."  
  
"I'm glad that you brought that up ensign," said the commander with a crude smile on his face that he had copied from the captain, but no quite got right so it looked quite bad on him. "You see," he explained, "spending a day alone with Mr Tuvuk will make you crave conversation so much you will talk to any one."  
  
.  
  
So Jeffery was locked up in the brig with Tuvuk, "so what are you in here for?" asked Jeffery, when he saw Tuvuk sitting cross-legged on the floor, probably in meditation.  
  
"I am in here for commenting on an order given by the captain," said Tuvuk in his droning Vulcan voice.  
  
"Hum," said Jeffery, sitting down.  
  
.  
  
About two hours passed and neither of the two men said one word to one another, so Jeffery tried to start up a new conversation with his cellmate.  
  
"What do you do in your spare time?" asked Jeffery.  
  
"If I did anything in my spare, them that time would no longer be spare," corrected Lieutenant Tuvuk still in his meditation position.  
  
"Oh," said Jeffery. Realising that he wasn't going to have a conversation with the Vulcan he decided to escape from the brig.  
  
Eventually Jeffery found a tube door in the brig and opened it up, and climbed through. There were tubes all across the ship; they were only big enough for some one to crawl through but they were useful when the turbo lift wasn't working to get from level to level.  
  
Jeffery crawled along the floor of the tube- he had no idea where he was going but eventually he heard voices- one of them that he recognised as Alex's so he made his way over.  
  
The tube door opened and Jeffery climbed out into the mess hall- it was the party that Nelix had been talking about the other day. Jeffery walked up to Alex, Chell and Telsia- they were all bitching about Lt Foster, (again all from elite force).  
  
"Yeah," said Alex, "he always picks on me!" Jeffery caught the end of her sentence.  
  
"Hi guys," interrupted Jeffery.  
  
"Hi," they all said in a Borg unison that Seven would have had to openly admit she was proud of.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Asked Telsia, "I thought you were in the brig with Tuvuk."  
  
"I was," replied Jeffery, "but I got bored and escaped."  
  
"What if you get caught?" asked Chell.  
  
"I won't," replied Jeffery confidently.  
  
"I wouldn't be too sure of that," said a cold voice behind them.  
  
They all turned around to see the captain and the commander standing behind her.  
  
"Captain," said Jeffery startled, "I was just."  
  
"I don't want to hear your excuses ensign. ensign." she looked to the Commander, as she was unable to remember the ensigns name.  
  
"Jeffery Harris," said the Commander.  
  
"I know," lied the captain. But before any one could say anything else the lights dimmed and a spot light was placed on a table. Nelix stepped up onto the table and hushed every one.  
  
"Thank you all for coming," he said, "now here's a special treat for you all, something which Ensign Jeffery Harris suggested to me yesterday afternoon."  
  
"Oh shit," muttered Jeffery under his breath, realising before any one else what was probably about to happen.  
  
Suddenly Nelix began to strip in front of every body. The captain shielded her eyes and turned to the Commander, "Chakotay," she said, "get him off that table."  
  
"Ahhh," cried Harry, "I'm so scarred for life now."  
  
.  
  
The Commander grabbed a tablecloth and ran up to the now naked Nelix and threw the tablecloth over Nelix wrestling him to the ground and pinning him down.  
  
The captain turned to Ensign Harris and shouted, "off with his head," suddenly three security officers ran up with axes in their hands, and chased Ensign Harris.  
  
Jeffery climbed into the tubes and crawled away with the security team behind him. The next day all three members of the security team were found in engineering- well their bodies were there any way- their heads however were found in captain Janeway's bed, ironically as it was she that ordered for them to severe Jeffery's head from his body.  
  
Things were never quite the same from then on- Naomi was told ghost stories by Nelix that if she climbed into a tube on the ship Jeffery would decapitate her- as she was only three when first told this story she was inevitably scarred for life.  
  
The tubes on board the ship were feared by all, as it was a well-known fact that Jeffery lived inside them. The tubes were no longer called the tubes but in fact called from that day forth called the 'Jeffery's tubes'.  
  
The end.  
  
Nice reviews please. But not too nasty, as I may cry my self to sleep if they are too nasty. Sorry about any spelling and grammar errors, it's hard to proof read your own writing. 


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